Jedi Marri

Just ME, as I Am.

So tired… November 14, 2008

Filed under: Life as an Artist,Life As It Is,writing — jedimarri @ 10:36 pm
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Sometimes I wonder why there aren’t more hours in the day – or at least why I don’t have more energy to fill the hours I am awake with…

But that’s ok 🙂 It means I never seem to run out of projects I want to work on! I have a nice long post brewing in my head but I haven’t had the time and energy at the same time to bring it to life yet.  Tomorrow hopefully 🙂

Today was a long day for two reasons.  One, I wasn’t breathing well at all yesterday so I’m run down from that, and then Gordon and I both had appointments at the natureopath in Beaverton, so that made for a long trip.  It was fun spending time with Gordon though 🙂  Plus I’ve started working with hemp recently and it makes for an easy project to work on in the car! Makes the drive seem shorter…

Spent some time with over at the parents house after our appointments.  Mo was at work.  Mom and I got to “cackle” as Dad likes to put it and work on crafty stuff.  My first scarf is 100% done finally! It’s been nearly done for a few weeks now >_>  Anyway, that was my first knitting project and tonight Mom started teaching me how to crochet.  I was really tired though so my hands were starting to shake and so I couldn’t work on it for very long.  Ah well.  I’ll be back over there tomorrow while Mo’s at work so I’ll work on it a bit some more 🙂 After I write! Because tonight I’m too brain dead to do justice to my nice long post that I have wandering around my brain…


Changes are coming… November 6, 2008

Filed under: Life As It Is,writing — jedimarri @ 5:42 pm
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Changes are coming in more than one way.  In my life, and in this blog.  I saw a new pulmonologist yesterday and, while there was no fantastic news, I’m trying to look at as a new begining and hope for the best! Moses and I started our apartment hunt today, just phone calls today, and we have two tours in the next two days! Moses also got his acceptance letter for WSUV – so we’re going to start the process for getting financial aid all set up and getting him set for Spring Quarter 🙂

Now for the changes in the blog… I’m really debating if I’ll keep this blog open, or if I do how I’ll use it and how often I’ll write in it.  I’ve been doing a lot more writing in general, mostly for my blog I’ve been doing research and feature articles for it and having a ton of fun! It’s also a lot of work, but it helps my business so the work part I don’t mind so much.

That’s inspired me to start looking into the whole world of getting paid to blog.  The more I look into it the more I’m interested – especially for when my current transcribing job wears out and I have more time on my hands.  The big challenge I see with it is that most of the time they want you to have an established blog that does reveiws and articles and the like.  Well, that’s not a huge problem because that’s what I plan to be doing anyway, but it does leave the question of exactly WHERE that blog is going to be established, and where I’m going to find the time to do any personal blogging.

Right now I’m leaning towards leaving this blog open, for the few people who check it, and because it can be therapeutic.  Then I’ll start another blog (this would make 4!) to do the pay to blog thing on.  I probably won’t be updating in this blog daily – but then again I’m not really managing that right now either 😛

I had thought about using this blog and revamping it for the pay to blog, but the more I think about it, as I’m writing this, the more I’m thinking I don’t want to do that.  I want to have a venue where I can be personal, and just me, sometimes.

4 blogs? Am I crazy? Probably.


Introspection November 2, 2008

Filed under: Life as an Artist,Life As It Is,writing — jedimarri @ 10:04 am

Yesterday was really frustrating. I was hoping to see old friends, and their new baby, and it didn’t happen. I had a fairly bad asthma attack that ruined my plans and meant that I felt pretty miserable for the rest of the day.  It was realy hard not to get super-mad at my body! Fortunately I was able to chat on-line with a friend last night and that cheered me up considerably.

Last night, as I was falling asleep, I found myself thinking.  I’ve been doing that a lot lately. Thinking that is. Especially while I’m falling asleep. Or, I should say, TRYING to fall asleep. Lately I fall asleep with thoughts of etsy promotions, jewelry design, random story lines, and who knows what else swirling through my head! Fortunately I’m usually able to remember the important pieces the next day…

Anyway, I realized I’m in a weird place right now. I’ve been struggling a lot with depression because my well-laid plans keep getting messed up by my silly body.  Yet, at the same time, there’s a large part of me that just wants to stay home anyway.  I don’t know if that’s a reflection of how tired I am, or the many different projects I have going, but there’s a part of me that wants to just be shut away hermit like.

It’s not that I don’t want to see people – my frustration at canceled plans is genuine! It’s more there’s a split inside of me right now.  There’s the side that misses my independance and my health and struggles to retain some level of normalcy. Then there’s the side that is ever coming up with more ideas to write about and jewelry creations to make that wants to just stay here and work slavishly on them.

I’m not crazy…I think…


I Can Not Live Without You October 26, 2008

Filed under: writing — jedimarri @ 5:37 pm
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Art work by Bellatrix Art

“I can not live with out you.” The words rang in Cherie’s head like the fading toll of the nearby church bell as it called the Sunday morning worshipers inside for the service.  She could hardly believe that David had actually used that phrase; it seemed so trite, so over used.  One part of her wanted to roll her eyes in derision, another was afraid that he seriously meant it, and one hundred percent of her was conflicted over what to do about it.
Breaking off the relationship had been the right thing to do. It had taken her a long time to recognize it, but he had been manipulating her for a long time, and it was slowly destroying her.  Her friends and family had recognized it long before she did, so to use another trite phrase, maybe love truly is blind. Yet had it really been love? Cherie thought so, but she wondered, and as she wondered she began to walk.
Cherie knew walking through the park at twilight was probably not the smartest thing she’d ever done, but she was full of negative energy, and it was the only semi-healthy release she could think of.  Her mind wandered back to another fall evening as she kicked at the crackling leaves.  The two of them were walking hand in hand in silence.  David was in a good mood, practically dancing as he scuffed at the leaves, and somehow oblivious to her silent pain.  Earlier that day her Mom had set her down and given her a “good talking too.” Telling her that he was no good for her and trying to convince her to break off the relationship.  Her agony tonight was because she was torn between two people that she loved. Her mother was wise, she knew that, but she also loved this boy whose hand she held, and she couldn’t imagine living with out him.  “Couldn’t my Mom be wrong? Just this once?” she thought in desperation.
It had only been two years since that night, yet Cherie was still amazed at the naiveté of her younger self, and at the realization that she’d used the same phrase in her thoughts that now haunted her tonight with David’s voice.  She refused to allow him to draw her back into the relationship out of guilt. The hard part was that there was a part of her that would always love him, no matter how unhealthy she knew that was.  “What if he kills himself?” she asked herself in bitter pain, “What would I do then? It would be my fault…”
Slowly, as Cherie walked, she realized that she couldn’t let herself feel that way.  If he chose to do something stupid like commit suicide it was his choice, and allowing herself to feel guilt over whatever he chose to do with his life was simply allowing him to continue to control her.  It was going to be hard though.  For three years David had manipulated her and she was going to have a long battle ahead of her.  Squaring her shoulders she realized that Fall would always have a new meaning for her now.  For her, fall had always meant the end of the glorious summer she loved so much, a death of sorts as you headed into the dark and ugly winter.  Now, she would associate the bright leaves she saw with as marking a change for the better in her life.  No longer would she allow herself to think she could not live with out David, that she could not live without anyone, she was moving forward with her life.


Well… October 25, 2008

Filed under: Life As It Is,writing — jedimarri @ 10:09 pm

This evening I was sitting at my computer, and I realized I hadn’t blogged on here today, and I was kicking myself about it because I really want to start blogging on here on a regular basis again.  Problem was I couldn’t think of anything to write about!  It’s been a pretty boring day so I didn’t really have anything interesting to write about.  Then the idea hit me, I could search for random images until something sparked my interest and write a short story based off the picture! It would be perfect, it would give me an interesting picture to spice up my blog and it would get me writing which is something I can always use more practice in!

Following my genius plan I went to etsy and did a search in the art section, I figured if I found something in there I’d both have my inspiration AND I’d be promoting a fellow artist from etsy which is something I love doing! I found something that inspired me – and then I got all ethical.  I decided that I should ask the artist before I put their piece in my blog, and so I sent them an e-mail.  Either they think I’m crazy, or they haven’t checked etsy tonight 😛

My plan is to wait a day or two, if I don’t get any response I’ll post just what I wrote and no picture, if they respond favorably you’ll get both!


Wow – I’m a loser October 13, 2008

Filed under: Life As It Is,writing — jedimarri @ 8:15 am

So first I go all “I’m going to write a TON!” and then I go on a almost two week vacation from this blog 😛 And, from writing if the truth be known…  Bad Ruthie.  Why has all of this been the case? Well…there’s a number of factors.  There’s been a LOT on my plate lately.  Paperwork, doctors appointments, other appointments, helping Mo with job hunting, oh yes, and the asthma attacks haven’t really stopped either.  Good news is that they have gotten fewer and no where near as intense, but I’m still having attacks almost every day.

I’ve also been rather depressed – and overwhelmed.  I’m fighting it, and trying not to give in, but that’s where I’ve been at.  Just, a lot to deal with lately and some days it’s hard to cope with all the conflicting emotions.

It’s hard to write when I depressed.  Actually, it’s hard to do a lot of things.  I tend to lose a LOT of my motivation.  So it boils down just doing what absolutely has to be done I guess.

I have a lot on my plate today, but I DO want to try to start writing again.  I tend to forget how much I love it, how therapeutic it is!  So we’ll see if I’m able to get back to it today, and if not today then I’ll shoot for tomorrow 🙂

A lot on my plate – today we’re going down to the Goodwill for an appointment and then hopefully Work Source.  At the Goodwill they specialize in helping people who have handicapps and disabilities to find work.  I’m hoping they’ll be able to help me find something I’m capable of with my health problems.  *sigh*

Work Source is to try and apply me for unemployement.  Not to sure how that’s all going to work out – but we’re going to try!  We’re also going to be looking for job leads for Mo at both of those places.

Oh, and I have mail and bills to deal with.  Why am I writing about all this? Avoidence really 😛

Ok, off to be a good, responsible girl!


I LOVE dragons :) September 30, 2008

Filed under: Life As It Is,writing — jedimarri @ 9:58 pm
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I just found this picture when I did a random search for purple wallpaper backgrounds through google images.  I’d had the same background on my computer for WAY too long!

Ok – update on life is that things are really crazy right now.  Still really struggling with my asthma, although I did do a lot better today then I have been doing 🙂  Mo and I are juggling a lot of details working to to apply for benefits, get me into local doctors, job hunt, and soon we’ll need to start the apartment search!  It’s pretty overwhelming at times and it’s completely wearing me out.  I haven’t had a chance to write since he got down here because I’ve just plain been too exhausted!  I’m hoping that tomorrow that will change…