Introspection

Yesterday was really frustrating. I was hoping to see old friends, and their new baby, and it didn’t happen. I had a fairly bad asthma attack that ruined my plans and meant that I felt pretty miserable for the rest of the day.  It was realy hard not to get super-mad at my body! Fortunately I was able to chat on-line with a friend last night and that cheered me up considerably.

Last night, as I was falling asleep, I found myself thinking.  I’ve been doing that a lot lately. Thinking that is. Especially while I’m falling asleep. Or, I should say, TRYING to fall asleep. Lately I fall asleep with thoughts of etsy promotions, jewelry design, random story lines, and who knows what else swirling through my head! Fortunately I’m usually able to remember the important pieces the next day…

Anyway, I realized I’m in a weird place right now. I’ve been struggling a lot with depression because my well-laid plans keep getting messed up by my silly body.  Yet, at the same time, there’s a large part of me that just wants to stay home anyway.  I don’t know if that’s a reflection of how tired I am, or the many different projects I have going, but there’s a part of me that wants to just be shut away hermit like.

It’s not that I don’t want to see people – my frustration at canceled plans is genuine! It’s more there’s a split inside of me right now.  There’s the side that misses my independance and my health and struggles to retain some level of normalcy. Then there’s the side that is ever coming up with more ideas to write about and jewelry creations to make that wants to just stay here and work slavishly on them.

I’m not crazy…I think…