“Strangely enough, it all turns out well.”
“I don’t know. It’s a mystery.”
These words are spoken near the beginning of the movie “Shakespeare in Love.” They are repeated in various forms through out the rest of the movie and each time they stuck out at me. Why? They sound a lot like my husband!
Every time I get stressed out about something – he’ll tell me it will turn out ok. I find this incredibly annoying most of the time as I tend not be optimistic for myself. I’m an optimistic for everyone else, but when it comes to my own life, I tend to be a rank pessimist.
I know, in my head, that pessimism is not a good thing. I know I should trust in God, I know that I should let things happen and just make the best of them, but I have a very hard time doing that. I think I’ve been knocked down to many times. I’ve had my hopes dashed, my fears realized, and watched dreams evaporate. Consequently, I assume things in my life will go wrong.
When I first started getting really sick at the beginning of the school year I’d get really down, and then Moses would tell me it was all going to work out. Sometimes I would be ok with it, other times I just wanted to yell at him. To tell him there was no way it was going to work out, and that I was just sick of it all. Not sick of him of course, but sick of dealing with my health problems.
Over time I started to listen to him. Which is a good thing. I don’t know how I would have gotten through the last 6 months if Mo hadn’t helped me to find reasons to have hope and keep going.
I’m still trying to figure out how things are going to work out in my life and with my health, but I’ve had an interesting 6 months.
I’ve made a few friends…not a lot of them…but a few. Jayna, Stephanie, and Asia have all been really supportive and, while we don’t get together that often due to busy school lives and my health getting in the way, I’ve really enjoyed getting to know them and the support they’ve given me is invaluable. Jayna’s the one who I watched Shakespeare in Love with last night 🙂 More on that later…
I’ve also had a chance to work more on my jewelry creation as a result of being sick. I’ve had to give up working, and I’ve had to try hard to make myself relax because otherwise I wouldn’t heal. That was HARD. However, sitting and making jewelry has helped me to force myself to relax, and it’s a lot of fun! I haven’t made a lot of progress yet on selling my jewelry, but I’ve made some and what’s more important, I’ve really enjoyed tapping into my creative side more.
I’ve also had a lot more time with my husband as a result of being sick. With his weird work and sleep schedule, if I was working we’d not see each other that much. The first month or two of our marriage were hard because I was working, and our schedules didn’t work together that much. I’ve treasured the chance to grow closer to him, and the troubles have really pulled us closer together.
I’ve also grown closer to some of the people from back home. It’s been hard being away from home, especially while sick, but I’ve learned who my closest friends and had some incredible conversations via e-mail and the phone. Conversations that lifted my spirit and helped me keep going on. Convo’s that made me cry, but crying with a girl, even on the phone, was sometimes what I needed.
There have been draw backs to the last few months, but there have been good things too. How is it all going to all work out? I don’t know, it’s a mystery, but I’m starting to think it truly is working out 🙂
Back to last night and the movie. I had a lot of fun! Jayna is a fun girl and we have a lot in common…and lot is really different…but we are able to connect on a lot of levels! We got together at her boyfriend, Brian’s, house because I just really wanted to get out of the house for something other than school or the doctors house…and he has a better tv set up than she does. 😛 Mo didn’t feel like coming along this time, but considering Brian has a Wii, I might be able to convince him next time!
Wii – I played Guitar Hero for the first time last night! Jayna said I did pretty good for it being my first time! Somehow she managed to con Brian into making us dinner (yummy spaghetti!) while we played. We had fun 🙂
Then, we watched Shakespeare in Love while eating dinner. The movie was good, it would have been better if they didn’t have all the nudity and sex, but it was really well written. I recommend it with the qualification that you need to be prepared to look away or fast forward through some of it. I did really appreciate how they wove Shakespearean lines through out all it and incorporated them into the regular dialogs. There was some excellent acting in it as well.
I stayed and we chatted and eventually watched another movie – Sweeney Todd. Either we started it later than I thought, or it was longer than I thought, because I didn’t get home until 1am! Which meant I was still wide awake when Mo got home a half-hour later. Through him for a loop. Poor guy.
It was great having some girl time 🙂