Changes are coming… November 6, 2008

Changes are coming in more than one way.  In my life, and in this blog.  I saw a new pulmonologist yesterday and, while there was no fantastic news, I’m trying to look at as a new begining and hope for the best! Moses and I started our apartment hunt today, just phone calls today, and we have two tours in the next two days! Moses also got his acceptance letter for WSUV – so we’re going to start the process for getting financial aid all set up and getting him set for Spring Quarter

Now for the changes in the blog… I’m really debating if I’ll keep this blog open, or if I do how I’ll use it and how often I’ll write in it.  I’ve been doing a lot more writing in general, mostly for my blog www.roseworksjewelry.blogspot.com I’ve been doing research and feature articles for it and having a ton of fun! It’s also a lot of work, but it helps my business so the work part I don’t mind so much.

That’s inspired me to start looking into the whole world of getting paid to blog.  The more I look into it the more I’m interested – especially for when my current transcribing job wears out and I have more time on my hands.  The big challenge I see with it is that most of the time they want you to have an established blog that does reveiws and articles and the like.  Well, that’s not a huge problem because that’s what I plan to be doing anyway, but it does leave the question of exactly WHERE that blog is going to be established, and where I’m going to find the time to do any personal blogging.

Right now I’m leaning towards leaving this blog open, for the few people who check it, and because it can be therapeutic.  Then I’ll start another blog (this would make 4!) to do the pay to blog thing on.  I probably won’t be updating in this blog daily – but then again I’m not really managing that right now either

I had thought about using this blog and revamping it for the pay to blog, but the more I think about it, as I’m writing this, the more I’m thinking I don’t want to do that.  I want to have a venue where I can be personal, and just me, sometimes.

4 blogs? Am I crazy? Probably.

I Can Not Live Without You October 26, 2008

Art work by Bellatrix Art

“I can not live with out you.” The words rang in Cherie’s head like the fading toll of the nearby church bell as it called the Sunday morning worshipers inside for the service.  She could hardly believe that David had actually used that phrase; it seemed so trite, so over used.  One part of her wanted to roll her eyes in derision, another was afraid that he seriously meant it, and one hundred percent of her was conflicted over what to do about it.
Breaking off the relationship had been the right thing to do. It had taken her a long time to recognize it, but he had been manipulating her for a long time, and it was slowly destroying her.  Her friends and family had recognized it long before she did, so to use another trite phrase, maybe love truly is blind. Yet had it really been love? Cherie thought so, but she wondered, and as she wondered she began to walk.
Cherie knew walking through the park at twilight was probably not the smartest thing she’d ever done, but she was full of negative energy, and it was the only semi-healthy release she could think of.  Her mind wandered back to another fall evening as she kicked at the crackling leaves.  The two of them were walking hand in hand in silence.  David was in a good mood, practically dancing as he scuffed at the leaves, and somehow oblivious to her silent pain.  Earlier that day her Mom had set her down and given her a “good talking too.” Telling her that he was no good for her and trying to convince her to break off the relationship.  Her agony tonight was because she was torn between two people that she loved. Her mother was wise, she knew that, but she also loved this boy whose hand she held, and she couldn’t imagine living with out him.  “Couldn’t my Mom be wrong? Just this once?” she thought in desperation.
It had only been two years since that night, yet Cherie was still amazed at the naiveté of her younger self, and at the realization that she’d used the same phrase in her thoughts that now haunted her tonight with David’s voice.  She refused to allow him to draw her back into the relationship out of guilt. The hard part was that there was a part of her that would always love him, no matter how unhealthy she knew that was.  “What if he kills himself?” she asked herself in bitter pain, “What would I do then? It would be my fault…”
Slowly, as Cherie walked, she realized that she couldn’t let herself feel that way.  If he chose to do something stupid like commit suicide it was his choice, and allowing herself to feel guilt over whatever he chose to do with his life was simply allowing him to continue to control her.  It was going to be hard though.  For three years David had manipulated her and she was going to have a long battle ahead of her.  Squaring her shoulders she realized that Fall would always have a new meaning for her now.  For her, fall had always meant the end of the glorious summer she loved so much, a death of sorts as you headed into the dark and ugly winter.  Now, she would associate the bright leaves she saw with as marking a change for the better in her life.  No longer would she allow herself to think she could not live with out David, that she could not live without anyone, she was moving forward with her life.

Well… October 25, 2008

This evening I was sitting at my computer, and I realized I hadn’t blogged on here today, and I was kicking myself about it because I really want to start blogging on here on a regular basis again.  Problem was I couldn’t think of anything to write about!  It’s been a pretty boring day so I didn’t really have anything interesting to write about.  Then the idea hit me, I could search for random images until something sparked my interest and write a short story based off the picture! It would be perfect, it would give me an interesting picture to spice up my blog and it would get me writing which is something I can always use more practice in!

Following my genius plan I went to etsy and did a search in the art section, I figured if I found something in there I’d both have my inspiration AND I’d be promoting a fellow artist from etsy which is something I love doing! I found something that inspired me – and then I got all ethical.  I decided that I should ask the artist before I put their piece in my blog, and so I sent them an e-mail.  Either they think I’m crazy, or they haven’t checked etsy tonight

My plan is to wait a day or two, if I don’t get any response I’ll post just what I wrote and no picture, if they respond favorably you’ll get both!

I LOVE dragons :) September 30, 2008

I just found this picture when I did a random search for purple wallpaper backgrounds through google images.  I’d had the same background on my computer for WAY too long!

Ok – update on life is that things are really crazy right now.  Still really struggling with my asthma, although I did do a lot better today then I have been doing   Mo and I are juggling a lot of details working to to apply for benefits, get me into local doctors, job hunt, and soon we’ll need to start the apartment search!  It’s pretty overwhelming at times and it’s completely wearing me out.  I haven’t had a chance to write since he got down here because I’ve just plain been too exhausted!  I’m hoping that tomorrow that will change…

Friday’s Fabulousness :) September 26, 2008

I’m hyper today.  Why? Who knows!!! I’m actually feeling pretty good so that’s probably a major factor I keep dancing in my seat to the music on my head phones.

Current song: English version of 99 Red Balloons by Nena

Writing is going well! Having fun digging into my story again   I’m going to try to go back and edit once or twice a week.  Your not supposed to do that during NaNoWriMo – but this is getting into the habit pre-NaNo, so I can do what I want   ‘Sides, the day I’m going to edit I plan on editing AND writing so I’m a super editing-writing-wordsmith-freak

Day 1, approx 1,000 words

Day 2 – 2,153 words

Day 3 – none yet!

So I got myself in trouble last night.  I was saying good-night to everyone and Mom, Gordon, and Dad were all sitting in a row.  So I just leaned over and gave each one a quick kiss on the head and started to head to bed.  Granted, I should know better, Gordon hates kisses, but I just didn’t think it through that far!

Gordon came over to pound on me and I quickly tried to talk my way out of it:

“Sorry! I wasn’t thinking! I’m just missing my husband and running low on kisses, so I had to kiss everyone!”

He didn’t like my reasoning.

I kept trying, “And I’m used to having lots and lots of kisses!”

Now it was Dad’s turn to protest – “EWW! We don’t want to KNOW that!”

I don’t know what their problem was…but it made Mo laugh at least

Wednesday’s Whimsy September 24, 2008

Well Wednesday it is and Whimsical I am!  I’m doing pretty good so far today.  Tired, as always, but breathing pretty good.  I am kinda tight, but not in a super bad sense.  Just needs I need to move a little slow when I do walk around to keep from triggering anything.  The good news is that the air in my lungs means I’m able to think clearly!  So I’ve been working on paper work and things like that   Trying to apply for state health insurance and food stamps and stuff like that

I’ve finally started working on my book again.  I had put it aside while taking my writing class, and just kept postponing picking it back up again for one reason or another.  It feels really good to write again!  Makes my brother supremely happy too

I’m trying to settle into a routine.  I get up, drink my coffee and start checking my e-mail and etsy stuff.  Shower, eat, take pills, make a to do list.  On that list I’m including both serious stuff (like paperwork), and fun stuff (like blogs).  I’ve really needed to start making these lists again!  So far it’s working – now if I can just stay healthy enough to work on the lists…

One thing that’s getting included on the list is blogging on here!  I’ve grown woefully lazy about that of late and I blame a combination despondancy over health problems, the health problems themselves, and way to many interesting items on etsy…

Half way there… July 2, 2008

It seems incredible to think that we are already half-way through our summer session!  This week is week three…and there are only 6 weeks!  Incredible.  This quarter is passing by sooo fast.  I’m really looking forward to the break when its over though.  I was thinking about it this morning and this is the 8th consecutive quarter that I’ve been in school.  Whew!  And, even though there was a few weeks between the end of summer and the start of fall last year, I was moving and planning my wedding, so it didn’t really feel much like a break!  I’m not going to get a long break between quarters, because I have a “pre-fall” class, but even a few weeks will be really nice.

Tomorrow is my big appointment with the lung doc.  I’m hoping that, since I can tell him I’ve only had one very minor asthma attack since I last saw him, this appointment will be much more hopeful.  The last one was so depressing!  Ah well.  Life, as they say, goes on.

The only class I wish was longer is my creative writing class.  I’m having so much fun with that class!  We’ve moved from creative non-fiction into creative fiction now.  I’m enjoying getting to let my mind wander and create whatever details I want without having to worry about little annoying things such as truth and accuracy.  It’s a nice change.  Although, to be honest, I did enjoy creative non-fiction a lot more than I thought I would have.  It definitely gave me a different perspective.

“Their Not Real” June 8, 2008

I got in a conversation last night with my dear PSS (I need to write a blog explaining what that means sometime don’t I?) about writing, and she sent me several different pieces she’d written.  One thing she sent me was an exercise she’d done for an English class once.  It caught my imagination because it was the same tiny scene, written from three different perspectives!  I decided it would be an interesting exercise to try.  My story is completely different from hers, and I have no idea why I ended up writing a Christmas story in June, but I did.  My conclusions after the story

Their Not Real

3^rd Person

The little girls eyes sparkled as she pressed up close, her breathe frosting the window, lost in the wonder of the glass figurines on the other side. For on the other side there were elves and reindeer dancing around in shining glory!

As she stared a boy walked up behind her, “Their not real you know.”

She turned to look at him, curiosity in her eyes, “Of course their not, these are made of glass!”

“No, I meant there is no such thing as elves, reindeer that fly, Santa’s workshop, or even Santa!”

“How can you say that?” The girl asked; her eyes wide in shock and pity.

“Because their not. Magic doesn’t exist.” Matter of fact, he stared at her with a challenge in his eyes.

“You must live in a very sad world.” The little girl said as she turned back around to stare at the pretties. The boy stared at her for a moment, a slow grin crossing his face, and then turned to walk away whistling “Santa Clause is Coming to Town.”

1^st Person

I could hardly believe my eyes. There were so many pretty glass figures in the shop window! There’s an elf in bright reds and greens, bent over a worktable, the detail remarkable. Over to the side I could see a beautiful Rudolph posed to leap into the air. And that was just the beginning. There must be 50 or more glass figurines in this shop window! Now if only my breath would quit frosting up the glass and making it hard to see.

“Their not real you know.” I spun around to look at the boy who’d spoken, taking in his thick green coat, button nose, and curly hair.

“Of course their not, these are made of glass!” Did I look young enough that he thought I believed toys were real?
“No, I meant there is no such thing as elves, reindeer that fly, Santa’s workshop, or even Santa!”

“How can you say that?” I asked in wonder.

“Because their not. Magic doesn’t exist.”

“You must live in a very sad world.” I turned back around to stare in the window, not knowing what else to say to this blunt little boy, but sad for him just the same. Life without magic must be boring. Suddenly I heard him whistling, the sound fading as he walked away, and what a strange thing he whistled! Why would a boy who didn’t believe in Santa be whistling “Santa Clause is Coming to Town”? I peeked a quick look over my shoulder at the strange boy, wondering who he was, and where he’d come.

2^nd Person

As he walked up the street he noticed a little girl pressed up to a shop window, staring at the glass figurines in wonder. He paused for a moment to watch her, curious, noticing her long black hair that swayed in the breeze, her deep purple coat, and the black mittens that covered her tiny hands. Slowly he walked up behind her and said, “Their not real you know.” Wondering how she’d respond.

She twirled around, appearing startled to have been spoken too, “Of course their not, these are made of glass!”

“No, I meant there is no such thing as elves, reindeer that fly, Santa’s workshop, or even Santa!” He clarified.

“How can you say that?” He almost flinched away from the pity in her eyes, but deep inside he was grinning as well, that was the response he hoped for.

“Because their not. Magic doesn’t exist.” He stated matter of factly, pushing just a little harder.

She looked at him solemnly, “You must live in a very sad world.” She said before turning around.

Now that she couldn’t see him any more a grin crossed his face. He always enjoyed finding another true believer. Jauntily he walked away whistling “Santa Clause is Coming to Town,” convinced once more that there was hope for this world.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, so those are probably still a little rough.  I came up with the idea last night and then wrote them this morning, and while I did a read through I didn’t necessarily completely edit them to perfection.  I’ve decided that I’m not that good at trying to write from different perspectives.  I do ok, but I’m not used to writing and thinking “I’m writing from this perspective now.”  I more write however it fits what I’m trying to say, and I don’t think of the pretty little details like that.  I should probably work more on that.  I’m not too sure my 3rd person example really was third person…what’s the difference between third and second person anyway?  Did I manage to capture it?  I also found the 1st person example really challenging.  I don’t think I use that perspective much when I write…  I think the last one was the easiest to write   Figures.

Migraines and busyness… June 7, 2008

As a start to my “3 important things, 3 hours,” yesterday was a bust.  I had great plans!  I knew what I was going to work on and everything.  And then I had a migraine.  Lay me out in bed migraine.  Ugh.  Fortunately after lots of pain meds and sleep it did get better and my afternoon was much improved!  Unfortunately that meant I still didn’t work on my stuff because yesterday was shot day.  So I spent the afternoon in Yakima.  I had fun though

Not getting shots.  Shots are not fun.

No, I had fun listening to my mp3 player through the car stereo system, volume cranked, singing off-key at the top of my lungs!  I had fun shopping for bead stuff and other things I needed in general.  Yesterday was one of those shopping days where I actually found everything I was looking for. Believe me, for me, that’s rare. I am not one of those woman who automatically associates shopping with great joy.  I’m more inclined to pretend that I’m really excited about it, but deep down inside just want to cry in frustration because I know that that’s how I’m probably going to feel by the time it’s all said and done.  Yesterday was NOT one of those days

Personally I think the music helped

The only one of my “3 Important Things” that I did any work on last night was the business stuff.  And, honestly, a lot of it was “honey fix it!”  Moses is a computer science geek and I was having major frustrations trying to get my new blog to look the way I wanted it to.  That’s right ladies and gentlemen, I now have two blogs!  From now on you’ll only hear casual references to my jewelry world in this blog because I have an entire blog devoted to that world.  Check it out at www.roseworksjewelry.wordpress.com  and if your sick of hearing about my jewelry business…simply breath a sigh of relief and don’t check it out

Now, I’m going to go be a good girl and spend some time writing.  Today I am determined to meet my “3 Important Things, 3 Hours” goal!

A day in review… June 6, 2008

Yesterday went pretty fantastic!  I got a LOT done, which makes me very happy.  It was also the last day of Spring quarter!  Yippee!!!  Now I have…just over a week until Summer quarter.  Which is ok.  New challenges are fun.  Or maybe I’m just psycho…who knows?

I didn’t start my 3 hour thing yesterday because it was the last day of school, but I did work on all three areas!  I did laundry and cleaned my kitchen, started working on creating a blog for the business (running into some technical difficulties), and spent about 1/2 hr writing!  And…drum roll please…I have another commission to work on!  Very exciting!  It’s through another friend, so I don’t have my first “non-friend” sale yet, but any sale is super-duper exciting.  Very flattering and all that.

On top of all that busyness I also got to spend time watching tv and laughing with my husband.  Always a bonus for the day when we get to spend time together