So tired… November 14, 2008

Sometimes I wonder why there aren’t more hours in the day – or at least why I don’t have more energy to fill the hours I am awake with…

But that’s ok It means I never seem to run out of projects I want to work on! I have a nice long post brewing in my head but I haven’t had the time and energy at the same time to bring it to life yet.  Tomorrow hopefully

Today was a long day for two reasons.  One, I wasn’t breathing well at all yesterday so I’m run down from that, and then Gordon and I both had appointments at the natureopath in Beaverton, so that made for a long trip.  It was fun spending time with Gordon though   Plus I’ve started working with hemp recently and it makes for an easy project to work on in the car! Makes the drive seem shorter…

Spent some time with over at the parents house after our appointments.  Mo was at work.  Mom and I got to “cackle” as Dad likes to put it and work on crafty stuff.  My first scarf is 100% done finally! It’s been nearly done for a few weeks now >_>  Anyway, that was my first knitting project and tonight Mom started teaching me how to crochet.  I was really tired though so my hands were starting to shake and so I couldn’t work on it for very long.  Ah well.  I’ll be back over there tomorrow while Mo’s at work so I’ll work on it a bit some more After I write! Because tonight I’m too brain dead to do justice to my nice long post that I have wandering around my brain…

To sleep or not to sleep… November 12, 2008

I tend not to sleep well anyway.  I’ve always been an insomnic, and I’ve always had troubles falling asleep, but lately it’s gotten worse.  My hubby helps me make myself keep to a relatively normal schedule, which is good for me, but I still really struggle to sleep through the night. I think a large part of that right now is all the meds I’m on…

Anyway, sleep is a challenge right?  Last night was way worse than normal! Why? I was hooked up to a machine…  My lung doctor thinks I may have sleep apnea and that it could be affecting my asthma.  So we put a finger monitor on me, strapped the cord to my wrist so it didn’t come off during the night, and recorded my blood oxygen levels and heart rate.  We’ll see what they say!

The one thing that has come of the test for sure is that it’s proved I’m still having problems with my heart rate.  I’ve been on heart meds of a couple of months now, and while my heart rate lowered drastically for awhile, it seems to be creeping back up now.  I was lying in bed and my heart rate was 90 or higher! That’s not good…  So I’m assuming that the doctors will either up or change my meds.  We’ll find out soon.

New Apartment! November 11, 2008

Whew, the last few days have been so jam-packed! The fantastic news is…we have an apartment!  We really just finally started our apartment hunt last Thursday, and we found one right away, and I’m very happy!  I know that this could have been a much more painful and frustrating process and I’m really glad it wasn’t.  I was getting worn out from added that into our schedule as it was.  It’s frustrating, but I really just don’t have much energy at all right now!  It’s largely due to all the meds I’m on.  *sigh*

Anywaaaaay….that’s why I didn’t get around to posting about this….I’ve been exhausted!

The apartment is in Hazel Dell, so we’ll be close to Winco (best for groceries!), 10 mins from my parents, 15 from his, right off the free way, and only 15 minutes from the University that Mo’s going to be going to.  It’s a one-bedroom apartment and it’ll be a little small, but more than enough for getting through our college days

It’s been really cool how all of this is working out.  We had originally looked at one unit and hadn’t noticed anything big.  The appliances were old, but oh well.  Then we went back the next day with my in-laws to put in our application (they co-signed for us) and gave them a tour of the unit.  Ruth (MIL) noticed a small area of mold that we were a little concerned about, but then we walked out, Ken (FIL) realized that the crawl space under the apartment was completely flooded.  Yikes! So, since we knew that there was another unit available, we asked to see that one.  Unfortunately the lock was broken and they were planning on fixing it the next day, so we didn’t get to see it, but we did decide to go ahead with the paper work with the plan of getting the second unit and just seeing it as soon as they could fix it.

They told us the process would take a few days, sounds reasonable enough right? This was Sunday afternoon.  The next day, 11am, I got a call from Joyce, the apartment manager, saying that we’d been approved and the apartment was ready to look at!  I really wasn’t feeling good yesterday, so we arraigned to go out their today.

I’m SO happy we decided to get the second unit and not the first!  It has new appliances (not 70’s goldenrod!) and new linoleum.  Plus its right next to the visitor parking and the trash.  Really the only downside is that it’s farther from the laundry room, but I can always throw the basket in the back seat of the car and drive over there if I’m too tired

The people we’re house-sitting for come home on the 1st, so we’ve arrainged our move in for the 24th.  That will give us a full week to get our stuff out of here, out of my parents house, and to clean this house.  Sure, that’s normally way longer than needed, but with my health issues giving ourselves extra time is a smart thing to do right now!

Changes are coming… November 6, 2008

Changes are coming in more than one way.  In my life, and in this blog.  I saw a new pulmonologist yesterday and, while there was no fantastic news, I’m trying to look at as a new begining and hope for the best! Moses and I started our apartment hunt today, just phone calls today, and we have two tours in the next two days! Moses also got his acceptance letter for WSUV – so we’re going to start the process for getting financial aid all set up and getting him set for Spring Quarter

Now for the changes in the blog… I’m really debating if I’ll keep this blog open, or if I do how I’ll use it and how often I’ll write in it.  I’ve been doing a lot more writing in general, mostly for my blog www.roseworksjewelry.blogspot.com I’ve been doing research and feature articles for it and having a ton of fun! It’s also a lot of work, but it helps my business so the work part I don’t mind so much.

That’s inspired me to start looking into the whole world of getting paid to blog.  The more I look into it the more I’m interested – especially for when my current transcribing job wears out and I have more time on my hands.  The big challenge I see with it is that most of the time they want you to have an established blog that does reveiws and articles and the like.  Well, that’s not a huge problem because that’s what I plan to be doing anyway, but it does leave the question of exactly WHERE that blog is going to be established, and where I’m going to find the time to do any personal blogging.

Right now I’m leaning towards leaving this blog open, for the few people who check it, and because it can be therapeutic.  Then I’ll start another blog (this would make 4!) to do the pay to blog thing on.  I probably won’t be updating in this blog daily – but then again I’m not really managing that right now either

I had thought about using this blog and revamping it for the pay to blog, but the more I think about it, as I’m writing this, the more I’m thinking I don’t want to do that.  I want to have a venue where I can be personal, and just me, sometimes.

4 blogs? Am I crazy? Probably.

Introspection November 2, 2008

Yesterday was really frustrating. I was hoping to see old friends, and their new baby, and it didn’t happen. I had a fairly bad asthma attack that ruined my plans and meant that I felt pretty miserable for the rest of the day.  It was realy hard not to get super-mad at my body! Fortunately I was able to chat on-line with a friend last night and that cheered me up considerably.

Last night, as I was falling asleep, I found myself thinking.  I’ve been doing that a lot lately. Thinking that is. Especially while I’m falling asleep. Or, I should say, TRYING to fall asleep. Lately I fall asleep with thoughts of etsy promotions, jewelry design, random story lines, and who knows what else swirling through my head! Fortunately I’m usually able to remember the important pieces the next day…

Anyway, I realized I’m in a weird place right now. I’ve been struggling a lot with depression because my well-laid plans keep getting messed up by my silly body.  Yet, at the same time, there’s a large part of me that just wants to stay home anyway.  I don’t know if that’s a reflection of how tired I am, or the many different projects I have going, but there’s a part of me that wants to just be shut away hermit like.

It’s not that I don’t want to see people – my frustration at canceled plans is genuine! It’s more there’s a split inside of me right now.  There’s the side that misses my independance and my health and struggles to retain some level of normalcy. Then there’s the side that is ever coming up with more ideas to write about and jewelry creations to make that wants to just stay here and work slavishly on them.

I’m not crazy…I think…

Happy November Everyone! November 1, 2008

Yesterday was a fun day! I actually got to DO some things! Mom and I went out running errands and shopping and stuff. It was good to spend time with Mom and chit-chat

Last night I got to go to a party! It’s the first “party” type thing I’ve gotten to do since I came home It was at Cassie’s apartment and Cassie, Andrew, La, Ri, Ruth, Mo, and myself were there. Nice and cozy. Nice and fun They had pizza – I had some nummy clam chowder that La made me – and we watched Van Helsing. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen it, and it was fun to watch again! Especially since I’ve been on a vampire show/movies kick lately.

Moses is off starting his new job this morning. The poor boy didn’t manage to sleep at all last night! I don’t know know if it was just because he was nervous or what, but he tossed and turned all night, and so he was real grumpy and nervous this morning.  Poor guy.

I’m hoping to get to see Anna this morning. I haven’t seen her since my wedding – so I’m really excited about that! We’re going to try and go see Amy and Erik and their new baby too – I haven’t seen them in awhile either – and I haven’t seen the baby yet! Lots of fun times

Phew! October 29, 2008

The last few days have been busy! Monday I wasn’t feeling too good, but I still managed to cross quite a few things off of a VERY long list. Including going to the doctor, going grocery shopping, and running various other errands! Whew.

Yesterday was an AWESOME day! Not only was I breathing well all day long – Moses got a job! He’ll be working as a customer service rep at Circuit City. The poor guy is rather nervous about it because it means he’ll have to actually TALK to people, but I have high hopes for it as a growing experience for my dear hubby One of the best parts is that *drum roll please* I can now start working on aparment hunting and applications! Woohoo!!!  That’s actually not really on my plate until tomorrow though – I have a lot to work on today! Still, it makes me happy

In other fantastic news – my friends Amy and Erik had their baby yesterday! Welcome to the world William

I Can Not Live Without You October 26, 2008

Art work by Bellatrix Art

“I can not live with out you.” The words rang in Cherie’s head like the fading toll of the nearby church bell as it called the Sunday morning worshipers inside for the service.  She could hardly believe that David had actually used that phrase; it seemed so trite, so over used.  One part of her wanted to roll her eyes in derision, another was afraid that he seriously meant it, and one hundred percent of her was conflicted over what to do about it.
Breaking off the relationship had been the right thing to do. It had taken her a long time to recognize it, but he had been manipulating her for a long time, and it was slowly destroying her.  Her friends and family had recognized it long before she did, so to use another trite phrase, maybe love truly is blind. Yet had it really been love? Cherie thought so, but she wondered, and as she wondered she began to walk.
Cherie knew walking through the park at twilight was probably not the smartest thing she’d ever done, but she was full of negative energy, and it was the only semi-healthy release she could think of.  Her mind wandered back to another fall evening as she kicked at the crackling leaves.  The two of them were walking hand in hand in silence.  David was in a good mood, practically dancing as he scuffed at the leaves, and somehow oblivious to her silent pain.  Earlier that day her Mom had set her down and given her a “good talking too.” Telling her that he was no good for her and trying to convince her to break off the relationship.  Her agony tonight was because she was torn between two people that she loved. Her mother was wise, she knew that, but she also loved this boy whose hand she held, and she couldn’t imagine living with out him.  “Couldn’t my Mom be wrong? Just this once?” she thought in desperation.
It had only been two years since that night, yet Cherie was still amazed at the naiveté of her younger self, and at the realization that she’d used the same phrase in her thoughts that now haunted her tonight with David’s voice.  She refused to allow him to draw her back into the relationship out of guilt. The hard part was that there was a part of her that would always love him, no matter how unhealthy she knew that was.  “What if he kills himself?” she asked herself in bitter pain, “What would I do then? It would be my fault…”
Slowly, as Cherie walked, she realized that she couldn’t let herself feel that way.  If he chose to do something stupid like commit suicide it was his choice, and allowing herself to feel guilt over whatever he chose to do with his life was simply allowing him to continue to control her.  It was going to be hard though.  For three years David had manipulated her and she was going to have a long battle ahead of her.  Squaring her shoulders she realized that Fall would always have a new meaning for her now.  For her, fall had always meant the end of the glorious summer she loved so much, a death of sorts as you headed into the dark and ugly winter.  Now, she would associate the bright leaves she saw with as marking a change for the better in her life.  No longer would she allow herself to think she could not live with out David, that she could not live without anyone, she was moving forward with her life.

Well… October 25, 2008

This evening I was sitting at my computer, and I realized I hadn’t blogged on here today, and I was kicking myself about it because I really want to start blogging on here on a regular basis again.  Problem was I couldn’t think of anything to write about!  It’s been a pretty boring day so I didn’t really have anything interesting to write about.  Then the idea hit me, I could search for random images until something sparked my interest and write a short story based off the picture! It would be perfect, it would give me an interesting picture to spice up my blog and it would get me writing which is something I can always use more practice in!

Following my genius plan I went to etsy and did a search in the art section, I figured if I found something in there I’d both have my inspiration AND I’d be promoting a fellow artist from etsy which is something I love doing! I found something that inspired me – and then I got all ethical.  I decided that I should ask the artist before I put their piece in my blog, and so I sent them an e-mail.  Either they think I’m crazy, or they haven’t checked etsy tonight

My plan is to wait a day or two, if I don’t get any response I’ll post just what I wrote and no picture, if they respond favorably you’ll get both!

GREAT afternoon :) October 24, 2008

I really should get a picture – but I got a new coat this afternoon! It was fun I really needed a new coat and my dearest Mommy offered to get me a new one.  We were trying to be thrifty so our plan was to hit the Goodwill, Value Villiage, TJ Max, Ross, and as a last resort, the Evil Empire.  Guess what? We found me an awesome coat at the first stop – Goodwill!  And only $15 I was excited

Mom and I spent the whole afternoon together.  Running her errands, buying me a coat, going to the bank, going grocery shopping, it was a ton of fun!  I’m really tired though.  I’ve been breathing a lot better the last two days, but I’m still getting really tired, really easy.  That’s ok, I got to slowly build up my strength!

Mo spent the afternoon doing “slave labor” for my Dad.  Hard work (like shoveling gravel and stacking wood) but hey – it made us money!